Plural System Etiquette

Agency

A common piece of ableist disinformation is the idea that neurodivergent people universally can’t look after themselves or be trusted to make decisions. This generalisation has never been true, and that also applies to plural systems.

Don't assume that a plural system is struggling just because of their plurality. Don't try to push any systems towards therapy; while many would benefit from getting therapy, it is not a universal requirement for system stability, and it is incredibly rude to suggest that it is.

Likewise, don't assume that systems are fragile or that it is taboo to ask them questions. In other words, don't dehumanise them out of fear. While no systems will appreciate being bombarded with questions, you should feel free to ask respectful and considerate questions to get to know a system or their headmates, just as you would with anyone else.

Generally, let plural systems decide what's best for themselves, listen to them when they tell you to stop doing something, and don't push them into anything, even if you're well-intentioned.

Assumptions

A few common assumptions are worth avoiding:

• Don't assume that systems are role-playing, even when headmates based on other characters or people are interacting.
• Don't assume that you'd be able to tell whether someone was a system, or part of a system. If someone tells you they're part of a system, you should listen to them.
• Don't assume that you'll be able to tell when a switch happens, unless a system tells you what to look for, or you're particularly close to them.
• Don't assume that headmates follow the identity of the system's body, or each other. Headmates may have different sexual and romantic orientations and pronouns, or be different genders and even species.
• If a system includes headmates that are "little" (younger than the body's age), treat them appropriately. However, don't infantilise or baby them without getting their permission first.

Humour

Humour is not a touchy subject, but some things are worth avoiding:

• Don't make jokes about plural systems or headmates being bots (or imply that they're bots) without consent. This is especially true for systems using tools like PluralKit on Discord, which may appear as bots due to platform limitations.
• Don't compare real-life plural systems to "alter-ego" situations (and other similar tropes) in media, especially with fictional media. As mentioned on the disinformation page, many of these representations are both unrealistic and harmful, and you shouldn't use them to inform yourself about plurality.

Individuality

While it may be tempting to generalise the plural systems around you, it is important to remember that every plural system is valid and unique. This is also true for individual headmates, who you should assume have individual agency, emotions and thoughts.

Don't ignore the individuality of a system's headmates, or try to treat them as if they're the same person.

Listening

Don't treat plural systems as your next "cool thing to talk about", and listen to their experiences. Listening requires that you don't talk over systems, or try to talk about their issues if you aren't plural yourself.

Don't redirect discussions about plurality onto yourself unless you have direct experience as part of a plural system, and try to allow plural systems to talk instead when possible.

Likewise, don't treat plural systems as specimens to examine. Treat the concept of plurality with respect, and treat plural systems as people, not objects.

Littles

The term "little" is used to describe those who have a mental age younger than their body. In the context of plurality, "little" describes headmates who are "littler" than the body they occupy, whatever that may mean for the system in question. Usually this means that the headmate will have a younger mental age, or that they take the form of a child, but this isn't always the case.

A little may be any age, and some may also slide between a range of ages, with their age potentially shifting at any point.

You should treat littles as individuals with their own wills, thoughts, and emotions, just as you would with anyone else, and bear the following points in mind:

• While some littles may have a younger mental age, they might not behave exactly how you'd expect from children. This is true for even the youngest littles, and what you'll see will depend a lot on the individual little and the rest of their system.

• Don't try to act like a little's caretaker without permission. Similarly, don't baby or infantilise them without their permission, and don't try to stop them from swearing if you otherwise don't moderate for that.

• Every little is unique, similarly to any other headmate or person. You should get to know them for who they are, and treat them with the same respect and consideration that you'd give to anyone else.

• Don't try to ban littles from using your general or venting chat spaces, and don't exclude systems from your spaces just because some of their headmates are littles. This practice is considerably more harmful than helpful, and by engaging in it, you will be showing plural systems that they're unlikely to be safe in your community.

  You should hold the caretakers that are part of a system responsible for their littles. Every little is unique, and the other system members will know how to keep them safe better than anyone else could.

It is worth noting that the "little" concept may not be something that all plural systems with younger headmates will identify with. Additionally, the term "little" is sometimes replaced with another term, such as "small" or "syskid".

Medicalisation

Don't medicalise plurality, or assume that systems require a diagnosis to be valid. Many systems are perfectly able to exist without a diagnosis or support, and you shouldn't assume these systems are "broken", need therapy, or disordered.

Current medical research is lacking when it comes to plurality, and deep medical stigma still exists around the concept. However, regardless of that, plural systems are more than any potential diagnoses, and you should treat them with the same respect you'd give anyone else.

Origins

System origins can be a challenging and triggering topic. When approaching plural systems, keep these points in mind:

• Don't push a system to find out their origins, or why they exist. There often are no good answers to this question, and many systems will need to re-live trauma to answer your question, so it is generally best to stay away from the subject unless the system mentions it.
• A system's origins don't affect how valid they are. Some systems form due to trauma, but many form for non-traumatic reasons or even unknown reasons. The idea that non-traumatic systems negatively impact the value of traumatic systems is a highly damaging form of disinformation, and you should moderate against it.
• Generalising systems into buckets such as "traumagenic" and "endogenic" is considered harmful by many systems. You should treat all plural systems and headmates as individuals with their own unique experiences, instead of trying to categorise them.

Likewise, headmates may themselves have traumatic or unknown origins. The above points also apply to headmates, but you should also remember these:

• Don't act as if headmates have a choice when it comes to their identities. If a headmate bases themselves on a character or another person, don't act as if they're wrong for existing, or that their sources are problematic.
• Headmates based on characters or other people are still individuals separate from those sources. Don't expect them to role-play as their sources, and don't push them into behaving like (or unlike) anyone or anything else.

Switches

It is rude and problematic to ask for plural systems to switch. If you're friends with another headmate, don't ask the current fronter to switch, ask when that headmate returns, or ask the fronter to pass a message to them.

Some plural systems may have trigger phrases or other associations that may cause a switch to occur. Using these triggers without consent is abusive, and you should always get consent before using them.

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Attribution

This article wouldn't have been possible without the support of the PluralKit community, who were very helpful in coming up with things to list here.

We also referenced the following resources:

• More Than One
• Plural Respect
• Plurality Hub
• Pluralpedia

For further research material, see the resources page.